Life threw a few curveballs my way, starting with some health issues towards the end of last year that, long story short, ended up with me having surgery. That whole experience was… a lot. I’m still figuring out if, or how, I want to talk about the surgery itself. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, I suppose. For now, let’s just say it’s been a period of recovery and, frankly, just trying to keep my head above water.
The "Shoulds" and a Friend's Wake-Up Call
So, where have I been? Mostly, I've been focusing on healing, managing my health, and juggling deadlines that didn't pause just because my body decided to stage a rebellion. And with that focus came a hefty dose of guilt. Guilt for not sharing, for not being here, for not keeping up with what I set out to do. It’s a familiar feeling for many of us, isn't it? That little voice that says you should be doing more.
But then, something happened that really hit home and reminded me why these conversations are so important. A dear friend of mine recently started her perimenopause journey, and to say things have been overwhelming for her is an understatement. She described the mood swings, the sudden rage that seemed to come out of nowhere (and then more rage, and just a little more rage for good measure!). She told me, "Deanna, I don't even recognize myself anymore. Who IS this person? My poor husband and kids are copping it, and it’s not their fault. I know it’s not, but I can’t seem to control it."
Listening to her, all I could think was, "Oh honey, I get it. I’ve been there. I am there some days." Her biggest question, the one that hung in the air, was: "Why didn't I know about any of this? Why am I only learning about it now, when I'm right in the thick of it?" Her symptoms sounded so much like what I went through when menopause first hit me like a freight train.
And yes, there are some truly weird and wonderful (not!) things that happen to us during this time. It’s not just hot flashes and night sweats, though those are definitely front and center for many. The list can feel endless, and we’ve all likely experienced some, if not a whole cocktail, of them.
Here’s a little taste of what we might be dealing with:
- The Classics: Hot flashes (or "power surges" as I sometimes call them), night sweats (hello, 3 AM sheet change), irregular periods (now you see them, now you don’t!).
- Mood Mayhem: Mood swings, irritability (that rage my friend mentioned), anxiety, sudden sadness, feeling overwhelmed. [1][2]
- Body Betrayal: Vaginal dryness, itchy skin (like ants are having a party under your skin – it’s called formication!), joint pain, muscle aches, weight gain (especially around the middle), thinning hair, brittle nails. [1][2]
- Brain Fog & Fatigue: Difficulty concentrating, memory lapses (where did I put my keys… or my thoughts?), and a level of fatigue that makes climbing Mount Everest sound appealing. [1][3]
- The Truly Odd Squad: Burning mouth syndrome, electric shock sensations under the skin, changes in body odor, tinnitus (ringing in the ears), digestive issues, heart palpitations, new allergies. [1][2]
And here’s the kicker: I know this stuff. I’ve spent hours researching it, learning about it, and figuring out ways to cope with this… this condition. I call it a condition because, honestly, what else do you call something that fundamentally changes so much? It’s affected other parts of my life, like my diabetes, and things have never quite been the same. There are still days I wake up, look in the mirror, and think, "Who is this person staring back at me?" I don't always recognize myself. (Cue Mulan theme song…)
But, and this is a big but, I’ve also learned to roll with it. It’s beyond annoying, it’s exhausting, but what’s the alternative? I still have to show up for my job, meet those deadlines. I still have a wonderful husband (bless his patient soul) to feed and a household that somehow needs to keep running. So, I roll with it.
You're Not Alone: Finding Your Way Through
Menopause, or perimenopause if you’re in the lead-up, is no walk in the park. It’s a bumpy, unpredictable ride. But the good news? You are absolutely not alone, and there are so many resources out there now that just weren't available even a few years ago.
There are fantastic YouTube channels dedicated to every aspect of menopause. There are books, articles, and online communities. My biggest piece of advice? Talk. Have those conversations with other women who are going through it or have been through it. Read everything you can get your hands on. Learn. Then read some more and learn some more.
And be prepared to try different things. What works wonders for one woman might do absolutely nothing for another, or even make things worse. We’re all unique, and our menopause journeys will be too.
A Little Something That Helped: My Ashwagandha Story
Speaking of trying different things, I had another friend who was really struggling with anxiety as part of her perimenopause. It was that constant, gnawing feeling that something bad was about to happen. I happened to mention something that had helped me quite a bit when my anxiety was through the roof: ashwagandha.
Now, ashwagandha isn't some new-fangled thing; it's an adaptogenic herb that's been used for thousands of years in Ayurvedic medicine. [4][5] The name itself means "smell of the horse" in Sanskrit, which kind of hints at its traditional use for strength and vitality. [4] Research, though more is always needed, suggests it can help the body cope with stress and may help with anxiety. [4][6] Some studies also point to its potential to help balance hormones, which can be all over the place during menopause. [5][7] It's thought to work by helping to regulate the body's stress response systems, including cortisol levels. [4][8]
My friend decided to give it a go. She found a low-dose version at her local chemist – it's pretty readily available. She started taking it in the morning and told me a few weeks later that it had made a huge difference for her. She said those stressful Zoom meetings with staff and dealing with difficult clients felt much more manageable.
But here’s the thing with supplements – and it's a big one: everyone is different. Another friend of mine can only take ashwagandha at night because it completely zonks her out, and she’s sleeping like a baby soon after. For some people, it might not do much at all.
So, here’s the caveat, the big disclaimer about supplements: they are largely unregulated. They can affect everyone differently. Unfortunately, this means there’s often a lot of trial and error involved. My own doctor hilariously (and also slightly horrifyingly) calls it the "suck and see" method. You just don't know how something will affect you until you try it. And his advice, which I pass on, is if you experience anything adverse, stop taking it immediately.
And, of course, my most important disclaimer: I am NOT a healthcare or medical professional. I’m just one woman sharing my own experiences and what I’ve learned along the way, trying to navigate this very confusing time. My desire to write and share comes from a lifetime of journaling. Always, always, always seek professional medical advice from your doctor or a qualified healthcare provider.
The Cone of Silence: Why Aren't We Talking?
This need to share and talk about menopause really hit me again during a rather unexpected outing. My husband and I decided to check out an open house for a retirement village. Now, before you picture us with one foot in the grave, let me assure you, we are not that old! Hubby is in his early 70s, and I’m just a year shy of my mid-50s. But he said, "Let's just go have a look, see what it’s about, maybe for downsizing options down the track."
So, off we went. We met some of the residents, had a lovely morning tea, and chatted about the lifestyle there. I ended up sitting with a group of ladies, all of whom were probably well into their 80s. They asked me how I was doing, and truth be told, I was having a particularly rubbish week, hormonally speaking. So, I said something like, "Oh, you know, just battling the joys of menopause today!"
I have never, ever seen a group of women clam up so fast. It was like an invisible, yet very obvious, barrier slammed down between me and them. The conversation just…died. They looked embarrassed, like I’d brought up something incredibly taboo.
And all I could think was, why? You are all women. You have all been through menopause. Why is this something you can’t, or won’t, talk about? It was such a stark reminder of the silence and stigma that still surrounds menopause. [9]
This goes right back to what my friend was asking: "Why didn't I know?" It’s because we’re not talking about it enough! There's a massive lack of visibility and education around something that every single person with a uterus will go through. That’s literally half the world's population! Globally, it's estimated that by 2025, around 1.1 billion women worldwide will have experienced or will be postmenopausal. [9][10] Think about that – over a billion women! And yet, it’s often treated like a secret.
Let's Break the Silence, Together
So, how about you? Are you deep in the trenches of menopause, or perhaps just starting to notice the first signs of perimenopause? I’m guessing if you’re reading this, something about it resonates with you.
I’d love to hear about your experiences. What’s been the most surprising symptom for you? What are you struggling with? What has helped you? And importantly, what would you like to see more of from me on this blog?
Let’s chat!
Leave a comment below. And I’m reviving my newsletter over on Substack, and I’m building a community there too. It’s small right now, but I promise to do my best to keep it a safe, supportive, and open space for all of us to share our journeys, ask questions, and just know that we’re not going crazy.
Let’s support each other through this rather… interesting… time of our lives.
Be well, and please, be incredibly kind to yourself. You’re doing great.
xoxo.
PS. While going to attempt to get back to posting with some regularly, I can’t make any promises, because menopause is a B. I will try my best, but please be patient with me if I fall short.
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